Birth is a transformational experience.
From a blob to a human, over ten months we create life. And then comes birth. We prepare for this moment, some of us spend hours on the internet, some take birth classes, some meditate or exercise and some "wing it".
Now let's be real, most of us don't expect birth to be painless but we do want to keep our dignity, as we face the pain as best that we can. At our core as mothers, mostly from our births, we want our births to be safe, we want our baby to be healthy and we want minimal complications. And for most of us, if we could, we would have it be beautiful. Soft and serene and peaceful and loving and magical. That is how we picture birth. That is how they sell it.
Prepare, get ready, be brave and you get to have a beautiful, safe, manageable birth.
For the vast majority of modern social media mumma's, within days or weeks of having our babies, we post a birth story. A birth story has become part of the ritual. Our friends expect to hear the story. We count hours and sometimes days, compare stitches and interventions. We share Apgar scores, birth weights, and breastfeeding struggles.
And then the dark side of birth...
The stories that are too painful if not impossible to tell.
In Australia, each year:
30% of women walk away from their births traumatized.
20% of women walk away from their births with postnatal anxiety and / or depression.
30% of women have a birth story that doesn't fit the beautiful picture they envisioned. That is instead painful and difficult to think about.
Healing our birth trauma is complex, sometimes our trauma may be a combination of physical, emotional, previous triggers, struggles with our ideology of what becoming a mother would look like and adjusting to this new version of ourselves as newly birthed mothers.
The following 6 steps are a gentle step towards healing these trauma's after a disappointing birth experience.
Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel. No judgement.
Try journaling or letter writing or art to tell your story, first just for yourself.
Find someone to share your story with, a close friend, a trusted therapist, a support group, your partner or a family member.
Each time you tell your story, you get a chance to process the feelings in your own way, at your own speed without the trauma. Re-storying your birth allows it to move safely into the past.
Be mindful of birthdays. Sadly birthdays are also the anniversary of your rough experience and often, mother’s push their memories away in hopes of having a great day for their little one only to be overcome with their own emotions. Be gentle with yourself.
Healing your birth story doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean what happened becomes ok. It means the story of your birth becomes an integrated part of your life, a celebration of your strength and the tough lessons learned on your journey to motherhood.
Birth trauma is something that not many women (even women who are struggling with it) know about. This leads many women to suffer in silence. If you know a woman who had a disappointing birth, please share this information with them. Help them know that they are not alone in their feelings, and that they can find healing from their birth trauma.
If you are struggling after a disappointing birth I've been where you are and I am here for you.
Furth birth trauma resources can be found at: PANDA, THE GIDGET FOUNDATION and the AUSTRALASIAN BIRTH TRAUMA ASSOCIATION.
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